I Know Abuse in any Form

To start I will need to open up a place in my mind that has been locked away since I was 17 years old.. A prominent factor as to my makeup and knowledge of suffered abuse. 

Although it is a place I prefer to leave in the past. Unfortunately, given the severity of the situation, I feel forced to relive it and bring it to light.

From day one of my life, the dynamic of our household, dysfunctional would be in understatement. An alcoholic father was a constant evil threat directed towards my mother and four siblings.

My first role in this dynamic, developed unknowingly, was that of diversion leading him away from the rest of the family ensuring their safety. 

As life progressed that role had soon changed into protector all the time absorbing the rage, punishments, pain and confusion. Accepting any need to keep my family safe. 

The extremity of abuse included being locked and sleep in a cold basement naked on concrete, locked and sleep in a garage, again naked on concrete in winter. I have been chained to a pole in basement, again naked on concrete. As well, locked in an attic in over 90 degree heat.

I have been beaten beyond recognition, escorted to the hospital and made to lie about vicious altercations as to cover up his actions. Ensuring things were not repeated. 
I have been made to fight long and hard to ensure the life of my mother as well as my siblings. I have pulled younger siblings from the bottom of Closets to sleep next to me while I remained vigilant through the Night.

Manipulation, degradation, embarrassment, humiliation, rationalization, justification, mental and emotional anguish, the list of abuse goes on. 

Any name you put on it I have lived through, felt, heard, smelled and tasted “Literally”.

I do not consider myself a victim nor a survivor. In his own evil demented way he had created a "Warrior" with an extreme knowledge of right and wrong, proper and improper. 
In reality through it all, with all these experiences, I consider myself a PHD in the field of abuse in any form.

There are two prominent days in my life that I have found complete joy and satisfaction. First being the day my son was born, second being the day my, our abuser, took it upon himself to end his life

The question of, “Whatever did we do to deserve this?” Was no longer prevalent in my mind. 

I needed to learn to not take on ownership of actions delivered from evil sources and look for answers when there are none.

All this gives me the ability to see the abuse I have suffered at the hands of Guardian Care Inc. and the Lighthouse Neurological Rehabilitation Center.